So to summarise Part 1 (Jan – March) = great. But what about the second quarter of 2016?

April 

The month started well. Still enjoying, and being inspired by, work.

Then ‘the’ job was advertised.

I applied.

I thought I interviewed well.

I didn’t get the job. I was devastated.

It is not an exaggeration to say that it felt like the walls had come crashing down around me.

May

On the day I found out i didn’t get the job I was leaving work at 6.15. It was dark. I was wearing mainly black. I decided to cross a main road while the traffic was stopped at lights.

As the lights changed I quickened my pace. Stumbled. Felt something ‘tear’ in my leg. Hopped off the road to the tram stop. Couldn’t put any weight on my right leg – pain too bad.

Turns out I’d torn my calf muscle. Result a week off work.

The good:

  • was not at work when name of successful applicant released.
  • didn’t have to be brave and positive when all i felt like doing was crying and quitting.
  • could deal with the unexpected support of colleagues who emailed and texted me in private (see point above re crying and quitting)
  • could eat chocolate whenever i damn well pleased
  • could stay in my pyjamas all day
  • i wrote many short stories where the ‘authors of my demise’ met their fates in personally satisfying & murderous ways (Yes, ok I read too many crime novels)

The bad:

  • i was in pain
  • i couldn’t walk
  • i live on the second floor and couldn’t do the stairs
  • i didn’t want to go back to work (ever)
  • I dreaded going back to work and facing people (even my friends & supportive colleagues – let alone anyone else)
  • Quitting work wasn’t an option

May – Back at work 

Extremely stressful times. Was still expected to act in a role that I was not considered good enough to do permanently. It felt like i would go to work and each day someone would come and punch me in the face and knock me down and the next day it would happen all over again.

June

Back in my substantive role. Still unhappy and liable to burst into tears at the drop of a hat. But starting to get it together. ‘My’ branch will be moving to a temporary location in a few months so i can throw my energy and skills into getting ready for that.

 

 

 

 

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